Fathers share wisdom, wit on positive parenting
By Cherry Sokoloski
North Forty News
Father's Day is coming up faster than a trout can jump off a hook, and
it's time for some reflection by that half of parenthood often underappreciated.
To mark the holiday, several area fathers offered words of wisdom for dads,
as well as their best fatherly advice for their own offspring.
Ben Manvel
I always encouraged my children to think for themselves, and I tried to
avoid giving a lot of direct advice. One instance I remember, when I didn't
give direct advice but nevertheless had an impact, occurred when we were
living in Australia on sabbatical. Our eldest, Emily, was 17 and thoroughly
enjoying all the greasy food and sweets that Melbourne offered. I finally
said to her, "I can't believe that someone as intelligent as you eats the
way you do!" Since I was almost never critical of her behavior, this shook
her. After some study in the library, she decided that vegetarians had
it right and she has been a vegetarian ever since.
I would advise all fathers to spend as much quality time as possible with
their children, set a positive example by respecting them as individuals,
and give them as much responsibility as they can handle. Decisions they
make for themselves will stay with them.
Ben Manvel, father of three grown children, is a new member of the Fort
Collins City Council.
Tom Hilbert
My wife and I did not have a child until I had turned 40. I was worried
about this and now I am happy I waited.
My advice to other fathers: Coaching college women's volleyball has allowed
me to observe young women in relationships, some healthy and some not.
The pattern I see is that fathers who model respectful behavior to their
daughters produce daughters who seek healthy, respectful relationships.
I am going to treat my wife and my daughter with kindness and respect.
I want to teach my daughter that chivalry is not dead; that a text message
on a cell phone is not courtship; and that you can and should date boys
who start out as friends.
Tom Hilbert, who has a 4-year-old daughter, is head coach for the Colorado
State University women's volleyball team.
Ron Nebelsick
In my opinion, the best advice my children got was this: The two most
important decisions you will make in life are (1) where you will spend
eternity and (2) choosing the person to spend your life with here on earth.
My children said they learned more from watching me and how I acted and
interacted with other people than from what I said. So my advice to other
fathers is this: Your children are watching you; make sure you walk your
talk. And how you act will impact your kids probably more than you know.
Ron Nebelsick, father of five, is the owner of Best Rental.
John Kefalas
As a father of two sons, one serving in the U.S. Army and the other attending
Colorado State University, my Father's Day advice to our sons and daughters
is to live your lives with compassion, honesty, love and a vision for a
better world. To my fellow fathers, I offer to you that we need to spend
more time with our children, teach by example and live our lives with compassion,
honesty, love and a vision for a better world.
I strive to live by the following anonymous quote: "I shall pass through
this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that
I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect
it, for I shall not pass this way again."
John Kefalas, father of two, is a Fort Collins resident.
Andrew Holbrook
Advice for my children: Be real and communicate honestly. Don't even care
what someone else might think, just be true, real and honest. It doesn't
matter if it is scary or difficult. You have all the support you will ever
need from me. No matter what, no matter how painful, I will be with you
in anything.
Advice for other fathers: Be involved with your children's lives. That
doesn't mean you need to only do what they want. They can be involved with
you as well. Expect great things from your kids. Don't give in to the standard
line that "teenagers will be teenagers" or that 2-year-olds are in the
"terrible twos" or whatever cliche is thrown out in our society.
Be real about how you want your kids to be and expect them to be that way.
If you are honest with them and are a part of their life every day in a
real way, they will be honest with you and there will be the deepest connection.
It is a matter of priority. If your children matter more than anything
else, they will know that. If they don't, they will know that, too. Every
parent has some greatness in them that is meant to be a part of their children's
lives. No one else can do this, not the state, or relatives, or anyone
else. Don't let anyone else take over that job for you. No matter how hard
it is, the rewards are incredible.
Andrew Holbrook, father of six, is a singer/songwriter who often performs
with his children.
Frank Caridi
Advice for my children: Be honest, and show compassion and empathy toward
others. Integrity (your word) is the most important thing you own.
Advice for other fathers: Besides repeating the above, I would also say
treat your children with respect and dignity. Stay involved with your children,
and keep your antennas up! Talk to each other, don't lecture but rather
explain things. It's easy to get swallowed up in the day-to-day grind of
making a living. When you're home, be home, both physically and mentally.
Frank Caridi, father of four birth children and more than 20 foster children,
is a Loveland resident.
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