Ask SAM: Santa discovers new home entry

This column is provided by Larimer County Extension's Small Acreage Management (SAM) Program to assist rural residents.

Dear SAM,

In our house we have a wood stove that always has a fire in it. Especially when it is cold out. I'm worried about Santa Claus on Christmas. Won't he get burnt? Or will he skip my house because he can't get in the chimney?

Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,

If the outside of the pipe is hot, can you imagine what the inside must be like? Before OSHA regulations, Santa wore a fireproof asbestos suit. This protected him from the heat of the fire, though his eyebrows did singe. He also had a fireproof sack for the presents. We all know "it's the thought that counts," but a melted Transformer really isn't much fun to play with.

Santa's chimney plunge accomplished more than toy delivery. He also cleaned the stovepipe with his large belly as he squeezed down the chute. Annual chimney inspection or cleaning is important for preventing chimney fires.

With asbestos suits no longer available, Santa must find ways to avoid the heat. I have never seen him make a delivery, but I can tell you what I heard some guys talking about down at the T-Bar.

Actually, I can't report everything I heard the guys talking about. Only the stuff about Santa.

In any case, I heard a guy say that Santa can slip through the crack underneath your front door. This explains why some people put milk and cookies near their door on Christmas Eve.

Check your front door to see if there is a crack under it. If there is, you should be in good shape for Christmas. But after Christmas, talk to your parents about installing weather-stripping. A 1/4-inch crack under a 36-inch wide door is like having a 3-inch-by-3-inch square hole in the side of your house. Being the good helper that you are, if you saw a hole in the wall that big you would probably nail a board over it. So it only makes sense to cover the crack under your door.

Be sure to remove the weather-stripping next Christmas Eve.

SAM

Have a question about rural living? Write to Ask SAM, Larimer County Cooperative Extension, 1525 Blue Spruce Drive, Fort Collins, CO 80524 or e-mail emarx@larimer.org.