Pets give advice for New Year's resolutions

By Marty Metzger
Correspondent

New Year's resolutions are as prolific as barn kittens and as hard to keep as a big secret in a small town. As 2007 gallops to its end, three wise representatives from the animal kingdom gladly offer some beneficial suggestions for human resolvers.

Dog spoke first: "You want promises you'll actually be able to keep? Pledge to feed me better. I need 24/7 access to lots of fresh, clean water, in addition to proper amounts of age-appropriate food."

In Dog's conference call to Ranch-Way Feed Mills, nutrition specialist Rachel Knorr suggested Eagle Pack Natural for adult canines, Eagle Pack Small & Medium Puppy for youngsters and for mature pooches, Holistic Select Senior Care.

Another call was placed, and Dog attentively listened as Sara Faetz of Poudre Pet & Feed Supply recommended Innova brand complete feeds formulated for various ages and special needs.

Man's best friend also requires fun and breed/age appropriate exercise. He enthusiastically bounced up and down hinting, "I like to chase sticks!"

To further maintain optimal condition, Dog should be regularly de-wormed, vaccinated, groomed, bathed and vet checked. Owners will want to find a good veterinarian who can set up a workable schedule.

Dog, who considers himself a key family member, looks forward to a New Year filled with delightful, healthy and safe interaction.

While Dog sniffed around for more suggestions, Cat pounced on the opportunity to speak up.

"First," she purred, "you must admit who's in charge. That would be me. Once you grasp that beautiful reality, I'm a pretty low-maintenance ruler."

As with Dog, provide Cat with proper food (low ash content, please). Sara Swanty of Fort Collins Cat Rescue said that since cats are carnivores, the modern diet of grain-based feeds is causing a variety of health problems. She suggests a higher-protein, meat-based diet.

Always provide kitty access to clean water, plus veterinary care and good grooming. Longhaired cats usually require frequent brushing to prevent matting.

Dog might have a cozy, little house outside. This is unnecessary for Cat.

"Of course!" she snuffled. "The whole world is my kingdom."

Wrong on that one, Cat. Felines shouldn't be allowed to freely roam the great outdoors. But, if Cat isn't strictly an indoor monarch, be certain she has a place--warm in winter, cool and shady in summer--to take shelter from the elements. All cats should wear an ID or be microchipped, as collars fall off.

Provide a scratching post or mat for Cat's self-administered manicures and have her nails trimmed if required.

"My kind are quite curious," Cat warned as she leaned over a hot stove burner. "Although we might protest, be proactive in keeping us out of dangerous places (clothes dryers and car engines, for example), away from toxic substances (like chocolate and onions) and separated from potential enemy combatants (beware squirrels, foxes, coyotes, snakes, hostile dogs)."

Cat didn't finish this interview. She suddenly tumbled onto a floor-bound sunbeam where she napped for hours.

A loud, happy whinny announced the presence of a third creature representative. Nodding his big, handsome head, Horse concurred with Dog and Cat.

"Oh boy, do I have some suggestions for 2008!" he nickered. "I give people four extra legs. (How do they ever get anywhere on just two?) So, be sure you get a good farrier to trim and maybe shoe my hooves every six to eight weeks or so."

Horse wiggled his upper lip and continued, "Clean, fresh water, hay, grain or other feed should keep me nice and healthy. I need a salt or mineral block, too. Don't forget to de-worm me; ask the vet for a schedule if you're unsure. I need shelter and shade."

With a mighty horselaugh he added, "And see these big pearly whites? Dental care every now and then with maybe floating to file sharp points will keep them glistening...and in my mouth!"

Just before he trotted out to the pasture, and with a most serious look on his face, Horse proposed a few more resolutions for humans: "Train me, discipline me to fine-tune my manners, but treat me fairly. I'll give my all for you, but I fear predators and want to flee when I get scared. You're not a predator, are you? We can be friends if you're in charge but kind, patient and reasonable."

Horse nodded towards the tack room. "Please ride me with a properly fitting saddle and clean pad or blanket. And a bit or hackamore to my liking would be nice. Oh yeah, and you might consider a good weight loss program. No, not for me; for you, bub. Does my lovely back look like a sofa for super-sized people rumps?"

Horse pranced around the entire field, as if to emphasize the debris-free, roomy quarters enclosed by safe, sturdy fencing. Horse looked so content and carefree.

As he returned to the gate, Dog joined him for a photo op. (Cat was still napping.) And, on behalf of all creatures great and small, they wished humans one and all a healthy and happy 2008!